we at the Department of Homeland Security have decided to change our focus from foreign terrorists to a menace of a decidedly more domestic nature. As a result, we felt some changes were in order.

I wish to reassure all Politically-Correct Americans, that every possible step is being taken to protect our newly acquired power from the grasp of this creeping evil, but we must remain ever-vigilant, or a non-liberal Democrat may win an elected office in your area at sometime in the near future. To aid in our joint struggle against these extremists, we have updated the color-alert system developed by the previous administration and will be issuing advisories along with specifics about any known threats such as VFW meetings, future "Tea Parties" or Republicans shown within striking distance in any election poll.

Right now, we remain at Threat Level Yellow, though please be advised that Fox News, talk radio and right wing blogs are considered to be at Threat Level Orange!

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